Conquer Your Fears Part II

I grew up skiing like most people I know. Having been born in Sweden, my parents had me on the slopes at an early age, and then growing up in LA just a few hours from the mountains, it was always easy to squeeze in a ski trip with the family every year or so. I never got past intermediate, but I didn't totally suck and always had fun doing it.

When I was 18, I switched to snowboarding. Later that year I had ACL reconstructive surgery (where they also removed 40% of my meniscus), which I recovered from nicely. Over the next 12 years I snowboarded occasionally, but never often enough to actually get good. It didn't matter--I loved it. Would I ever go back to skiing? Meh. Maybe. Maybe not. I sort of decided that skiing was too dangerous for my knees. At least that's the excuse I clung to for years. 

After Thanksgiving last week, I was looking forward to a free weekend with no plans, no challenges, and no steps outside my comfort zone. Then I got a text message early Friday afternoon saying, "Want to go to Tahoe this weekend?" 

Sweet! I thought. I love Tahoe. That'll be fun. Two seconds later, I felt my gut seize up and a wave of anxiety wash over me. What the...?

Nevertheless, I said yes immediately and went about my day, but couldn't shake the anxiety that had settled in. What was I afraid of? Sure, I haven't snowboarded in two years, but it'll be fine. I'm not great at it, but I always get down ok. Everyone else will be much faster than me! No, that wasn't it. I don't care if they go off on their own and I take my time on the easier slopes and work on my not-so-elegant technique. 

So why was I stressing out? I started coming up with excuses to get out of the snowy portion of the trip. My achilles! I shouldn't risk exacerbating my tendonitis! I'm broke; I shouldn't spend money on rentals and lift tickets! 

Then it hit me: I'm scared to ski again. But... I don't have to ski. I can snowboard. Well, apparently not because something in my head was poking at me saying, "You have to ski." 

As I've said before,  I'm a huge proponent of facing and conquering one's fears. Do one thing a day that scares you and all that. Crap. This was one of those things. 

So I headed to Sports Basement Friday afternoon and rented skis. And went to Tahoe. I buzzed with a mild undercurrent of nerves and anticipation until Saturday morning arrived. Bundled up in my ski gear I actually started to relax. As soon as I snapped into the bindings, I felt even more at ease. By the time I got off the lift it was almost like I was stopping by an old apartment that used to feel like home. 

Down the slopes I went and it all came rushing back to me. It didn't even matter that it snowed all day and the visibility was low because the powder was so soft and welcoming. Turns out that getting back on skis after 12 years was just like everyone said it would be: like riding a bike. 

Guess it's time to start looking for bigger, scarier fears to conquer. 

Run, Swim, Yoga, Run, Sleep.

Body. So. Tired. Today was one of those awesomely ridiculous days of non-stop activity.

I love Tuesdays - they're my favorite day of the week. Historically, Tuesdays have just been good days so now I wake up expecting every Tuesday to be terrific and, hence, it is.

After running with my 6am client for 45 minutes (pretty good for a still rehabbing achilles), I had that post run high going and the temperature was nice, so clearly it was time for a swim! There was just enough time for one good lap.

Aquatic park was especially lovely this morning and the sun started peaking out over the hill right as I took the first few strokes. The only negative was that I left my swim cap and goggles on the roof of my car as I drove away. Oops!

Come noon it was time for another Vinyasa Flow class at Yogaworks with Pete. See this post for reasons why he is awesome. I was sweating my face off today. Afterward, my hips felt like they had been removed, tuned up, oiled, and put back on.

Then, this afternoon I had my session with Alhaji, which consisted of running down toward the bridge, him disappearing and me not realizing he was gone till I got to the warming hut, where I turned around and headed back, for a total of about 4 miles. But that, apparently, was the point.


Going to sleep like a baby tonight.

Conquer Your Fears

Recently I was looking at a Lululemon bag and felt like the "Do one thing a day that scares you" part of the mission statement was smirking at me.

Sure, I take risks. You know, like, really small, manageable, calculated risks. Does that not count?

On Monday I showed up at the Sutro Baths, mountain bike in tow, and met up with Alhaji. He doesn't talk much at the start of our sessions and I never know what we're going to do, so I just got my bike ready and waited.

When he was almost done putting on his big full-coverage helmet, ski goggles, and shin guards he looked at me and said "Welcome to conquer your fears day."

Shit.

We spent the next few hours riding down stairs, crazy steep (in my opinion) hills, and going off of small jumps and the like in Golden Gate park. While my first few descents were not exactly glamorous, I was beyond elated to have faced my fears and actually done it.

There was one hill in particular that I first encountered a month or so ago. I, of course, balked and walked down the stairs beside it. This time I had a feeling that wouldn't be an option.

I stopped short at the top, froze and shook my head silently. He sweetly but firmly chided me from below and I realized I had no choice but to give it a shot.

So I did.

I was on the verge of tears when I made it down, realizing not only that it wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be, but also that it feels SO good to actually face your fears and just do it. I've spent most of my life finding ways to get out of facing my fears. Holy crap.  He nodded his head and said "Can I have a hug now?"

After that I started getting comfortable. Instead of cussing all the way down the hills, I replaced my profanity with a new mantra: "I am comfortable. I am confidant. I'm a badass!"

Several hours and only one small fall later I went home with a new sense of accomplishment and courage that I now want to seek out on a more regular basis.

In fact, I sought it out again today. My brand new road bike shoes have been sitting, patiently, on my floor since I bought them a week ago. I was absolutely dreading the first attempt at using them and found reason after reason to delay the inevitable. So, today I bit the bullet and strapped them on.

After practicing clipping in and out for 10 minutes in the privacy of my alleyway, I took a deep breath and went out to the sidewalk. Clipped in one foot. Pushed off. Clipped in the other foot and.... voilà! Smooth sailing.

Turns out it was not nearly as hard as I had anticipated. In fact, it wasn't hard at all. So, I rode down to the warming hut and back to make sure I felt comfortable and, I dare say, I think I'm ready to start my new life as a cyclist.

Nike really hit the nail on the head. Just do it.

November Goals: Cycling and Yoga

For the month of November I intend to focus on cycling and yoga. I've gotten fairly good at listening to my body and deciphering what it wants and those are the two things it's craving right now.

Several months ago, I borrowed a road bike from a friend, only to leave it untouched in my hallway, taunting me daily. Today, I finally went to Sports Basement and picked up a pair of Sidi Zephyr cycling shoes, cleats, a patch kit, extra tube, and a floor pump. Now at least I've got the basics. All the fancy spandex will have to wait.

[Sidenote: I've realized that I now officially find men in spandex attractive. It's not such a bad look after all!]

Haven't tried riding with the shoes yet... and I'm dreading those first awkward minutes of trying to clip in and out and not fall off the bike.

My main goal in doing more yoga is to learn to just be still and breath. Probably a good goal for many of us. The style I've done the most of is Bikram (hot) yoga, probably because Global Yoga is a few blocks from my house. Otherwise, I'm essentially a beginner.

Today at noon I went to a Vinyasa Flow class at Yogaworks. It was divine. The teacher, Pete, was super warm. He welcomed me immediately, asked about my yoga background, and told me what to expect in the class.

During the class he was very hands-on which, as person who errs on the side of being way too touchy-feely with people, I thought was great! There is nothing more soothing to me than the human touch, particularly when it's combined with a genuine connection with someone. Pete's gentle hand on your back feels like a wave of calming energy.

Being naturally flexible and pretty strong I found myself rather aggressively trying all the poses and doing pretty darn well (if I may say so myself.) But, toward the end of the class, Pete made a great point: the poses are just the tip of the iceberg. I was basically forgetting to breath, which (for me especially) is kind of the point.

Always come back to your breath. Always come back to your breath. I kept thinking of that Telepopmusik song.

Later in the afternoon, I had my usual training session. One thing I dig about my trainer is that he makes you work most on your weaknesses. One of mine, clearly, is agility. He's attempting to get me to think and move more like an athlete. We did some footwork, box jumps, and kettlebell stuff. Oh, and we're also working on bar muscle-ups! So. Hard.

It felt great to fit two very different workouts in today. And the achilles is feeling pretty good actually. I'm cautiously optimistic!

Skewerless in Pacifica

Alhaji told me to bring my bike in my car today. As I pulled up to our usual meeting spot, he drove by and waved. Dutifully, I followed. Twenty minutes later we were cruising through Diamond Heights and I was starting to wonder where exactly he planned on going for a ride.

This is one of the things I love about our workouts - I never have any idea what to expect.

Soon enough, he pulled into a driveway and out came Eduardo. Eduardo is another client of Alhaji's. Sometimes we work out together.

Then off we went again and hopped on the freeway. Soon enough we were in Pacifica. Lovely! As I started taking my mountain bike out of the chariot (my Camry), it occurred to me that something was missing. 

Uh, ya. The freakin' skewer. You know, that little quick-release rod that attaches the wheel to the bike? I must have left it on the sidewalk when I dismantled my bike to put it in the car... 

Well, shit. 

I told the boys to go ahead without me. Alhaji said to, instead, get on my fancy phone, find a bike shop, and go buy the missing part. They would wait. Fair enough.

Thirty minutes, $8 and a trip to Daly City later, I came back with a shiny new skewer ready to rumble.

Thankfully, they were patiently tossing a football and didn't seem at all annoyed that I had delayed our ride. For the next couple hours, we biked along the black sand beaches, up into the mountains, up a bunch of trails and then back down again. 

Today's takeaways: 1) I really really like biking, and 2) when you dismantle something, make sure you don't leave any of the parts behind.

Five Chin-Ups!

Since I'm paying $80+/month to belong to Crunch, I try to stop by occasionally. I actually really dig them - good classes, nice facilities, funky vibe. And I think whoever is their copywriter is kind of a genius. Very clever.

This morning I had 45 minutes to kill between clients and classes so I popped in with the intention of just getting in a good sweat on the elliptical machine since I can't run yet and not doing much cardio is driving me nuts.

Well, after a pathetic 12 minutes on the elliptical, I got off because my achilles started yelling at me. With no particular plan in mind, I grabbed an overhead bar and started doing chin-ups. To my surprise, I easily did five!

Since one of my goals is to be able to do 10 pull-ups and I've thus far only made it to three, I was shocked at how easily I banged them out. Chin-ups are usually a little easier for me than pull-ups, but not having practiced them specifically (I usually focus on pull-ups) I was pleasantly surprised. Hoping to hit 10 by the end of October.

And maybe by the end of the year, I'll be able to do 10 of these. Right now I can only do one... So hard!

Moderation vs. The Food Coma

Yesterday I indulged my sweet tooth a number of times. There was an iced molasses cookie and an adorable mini chocolate cream pie from Susie Cakes as well as way too many bowls of Cracklin' Oat Bran. I don't believe in denying yourself the things you love when it comes to food. But I do believe in striving to make the majority of our culinary choices healthy ones. Or at least having moderation as a distant goal.

With yesterday in mind, I thought I'd tip the balance back in that direction with my mid-day meal today. This was my fourth meal of the day, as I'm trying to eat a small one every 2-3 hours. The problem is that some of them end up being not-so-small...

I made a juicer concoction that was a departure from the usual green or purple elixer. It had carrots, fennel, red cabbage, and an orange. And the salad was a simple one this time: greens, red pepper, tomato, blueberries, sunflower seeds, balsamic, chicken. Verdict: Fennel is awesome. But I should have put it in the salad. It was pretty nasty in the juicer.

My challenge when it comes to eating is that although I get inspired and eat pretty healthy much (but definitely not all) of the time, I haven't quite trained myself to stop at that magical "pleasantly satisfied" point. I often keep going and end up in the "holy-crap-food-coma" zone, whether it's a healthy meal or not. And that's no fun. 

I realize that it all comes down to choice. And that no one is making me reach for that fifth bowl of cereal. So, why is it that even if we know we are going to feel like crap after eating that last serving of whatever, we still do it? I find myself, after only a moment's hesitation, saying "F it!" and going for it. 

Some people assume that those of us who "work out for a living" can eat whatever we want. Ha - I wish! Athletes who are competing or training on an elite level have a whole different set of needs when it comes to nutrition obviously. I can't speak to that. I'm not there yet.

However, for people like me who are active all day and also happen to love good food, it's no cakewalk. Being active all day also makes me hungry all day. Sure I make super healthy salads a couple times a week and am obsessed with my juicer. That doesn't mean I don't cave and eat crap just as often. 

My biggest weakness right now is cheese. Well, and pastries. Especially of the chocolate croissant variety. Actually any kind of dairy. Like the plain tart frozen yogurt from Tuttimelon. I like it with granola.

Oh well. It's a journey, right? Sometimes moderation wins the battle. And sometimes the food coma wins the battle. I guess the important point is who is winning the war.